November 3, 2008

I’ve learned from extensive eavesdropping in various situations that I find nothing more unnerving than a laugh that sounds like the person is yelling the actual syllables “ha-ha-ha” in an enthusiastic, slightly uncontrolled way. The runner-up scary laugh is the one that sounds like “ah-ah-ah”, like the Count from Sesame Street. Vone! AH-AH-AHHH! Two! AH-AH-AHHH!

I had a Weekend. I haven’t quite decided if it was good or bad yet. I probably should stop trying to place my weekends somewhere on the happiness spectrum, but I can’t help it. I laughed, I cried, I knit an ugly flax hued sock that didn’t even fit and I got angry enough to make me want to choke a bitch.

Something odd happened on Thursday. Sometimes when I’m in a rush and just need to run up to my apartment to pick something up, I’ll enter the parking garage of my condo complex and double park in front of the interior entrance to my building. The parking lot serves three giant condo buildings that are part of the same development and my building alone has about two-hundred units, so you can imagine how big this parking lot is. So I flick my blinkers on and make my way into the building when a middle-aged man stops me and gets all up in my grill.

Man: Excuse me. What do you do in the building?
Me: Uh… I live here?
Man: Oh? Cause I see your car double parked here quite often. I thought you were the cleaning lady.
Me: (Exasperated) No… I live here.
Man: I see. I was wondering why you were coming in at odd times.
Me: My spot is on the other end of the garage. I’m going to be five minutes.
Man: Okay… have a nice day.

He then proceeded to watch as I let myself in, as if to passive-aggressively communicate with body language that he was watching me and that I wouldn’t get away with whatever dirty tricks he thought I was up to. Since when is my schedule any business of his? And he thought I was a cleaning lady? Fuck that noise.

I’m so asocial and out of touch with reality lately. I don’t mean that in a bad way, but I suspect that the people who want to spend time with me are finding it annoying.


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